Starting over? Here are 21 pearls of wisdom to help you build that bounceback-ability
Resilience, or bounceback-ability, is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. It is certainly a vital skill for the times we live in. Now, more than ever, that women are out in the world, building empires and pursuing dreams, we need to be our sisters’ keepers and support one another. Writes Oma Edoja
As women, there will be many times when we need to pick ourselves up after a fall. Be it business failure, financial setback, bereavement, marital breakup, betrayal or any other myriad of trials. Here are 21 pearls of wisdom for starting over, gleaned from a lifetime of refusing to give up and bouncing back.
- Have faith. This is not the end. The sun will shine again! As a man thinks, so he is. Let the power of a positive mindset go to work for you. Rather than dwelling on what has, or could go wrong, switch to dwelling on what has or could go right. What we give thought to becomes reality.
- Do not let your situation define you. If you have experienced loss, disappointment or failure, that is not who you are. You can step away and grow forward from it.
- Take time to heal then get back up again. Do not allow the clouds to follow you. It is time to move on. Some people continue living with a victim or failure mentality. This does not allow us to move forward because we keep revisiting the past, strengthening its hold over us.
- Allow yourself the time and space to decide what you want next.
If you know what you want, you can make it happen. Not knowing what you want is like allowing the wind to carry you anywhere it will. - Set goals; map your journey forward. Failure is by default; success is by design. Decide what life would look and feel like if you were standing victorious over all your trials. Get a clear vision of this. Set manageable goals to achieve your vision and get started on your journey.
- Be ready to do whatever it takes to move forward. No excuses!
- Get help to move forward. It can be hard to move forward on your own. Bring on board a friend, family member, religious minister, a life coach or mentor. You do not need to do this by yourself.
- Keep empowering company. This is not the time for pity parties or hanging out with the moaners and groaners. If anyone around you is not helping you move forward, it may be time to take a break from them.
- Forgive anyone who has wronged you, even if they are the reason why you need to start over. The energy of unforgiveness will hold you back and not let you move forward. Forgiveness will set you free and launch you forward.
- Do not worry about what other people think. Whatever you do, they will have something to say anyway!
- Drop the guilt and blame. Some things are our fault and for others, there was nothing we could do about it. Either way, rather than blaming ourselves or living with “coulda, shoulda, wouldas,” let’s drop the guilt and worry and move forward.
- A change of location might help. This could be the time to move house, move to a new town or even to a new country. A change of scene could bring on a new lease of life. At a very trying time in my life it was a blessing to be able to relocate to another continent. Away from family and friends, I finally had the clarity to plot my way forward without any well-meaning interruptions
- Nurture yourself. You are fighting a battle; you need to stay strong. Focus on becoming and staying whole; in yourself and in vital connection with your Maker.
- Let go and let God! Some things are just bigger than you.
- Grow from the experience. Use it as a stepping stone instead of a stumbling block.
- Closing the door can be good for you, even if it hurts. Sometimes we get attached to things that are not good for us or we outgrow situations, things and relationships. But hanging on just because they are familiar will do us no good. Know that moving forward can be painful but there is something much better ahead and well worth the temporary pain.
- Sometimes, you have to go it alone. If the people in your life are not supportive of your success, do not try to bring them on board. They will only weigh you down. It could be time to travel unencumbered and take your forward steps alone.
- You have the right to start over and win. You are worth it!
- NOW is the right time. It is not too late. At 49, I re-started my career. I made sure to “sell” my life experiences, life-long education and maturity as assets. They have been much appreciated in the job market.
- Take it moment by moment, day by day. Looking at your whole life ahead of you may be too daunting. Sometimes, it is best to just focus on getting through today.
- Visualise your new beginning. Think about what it will be on the other side of your transition. Your thoughts will take form and become your reality.
Whatever your situation, you can recover and start over. Not just that, you can benefit and thrive from the experience!
PS: Why should you get back up again?
Because you deserve success! Your temporary setbacks, in whatever shape or form they may be presenting, are just that, temporary. And tough as this may seem, there isn’t anything you are going through right now that no one has ever been through before. And beat it. So get up!
What could happen if you do not make the decision to get back up and start over?
1. Your situation will then define you and you may never move beyond it. It will follow you everywhere and like a thermostat, keep bringing you back to that place of failure and defeat. Tags like “single mother,” “divorcee,” “unemployed” and “failure” will keep on replicating these circumstances, robbing you of joy and fulfilment. Not a pleasant prospect.
2. When we do not get up, we do not heal. And so we keep reproducing the same results.
3. We waste time, money and opportunity when we stay stuck.
4. We do not become all we can be and fail to achieve all we are capable of.
5. We hurt ourselves and those around us. If we do not heal and move on, we keep our children down with us, we model defeat to them, we infect them with our negative thoughts and habits. Is this the legacy we want to pass on to our children? I bet not.
